Years ago, telling someone to “man up” meant that, as a man, they needed to step up and start acting differently. They needed to start acting the way a man is supposed to act.
Today, telling someone this would most likely get them in trouble. It would most likely offend people and many people would argue that there is not a specific way that men should act.
I would disagree with that 100%. I would argue that men not stepping up and acting how they should has caused many of the problems happening in our world today.
The problem is most men don’t have a clue what it means to step up and act how a man should. Most men would assume it is “taking the bull by the horns,” taking charge, and not letting anyone push you!
While some of those aspects are true, acting like a real man requires more than that.
Join the Fraternity
Most people have the opportunity to join a fraternity when they go off to college. Unfortunately, many think of fraternity life as what they saw in the movie “Old School.” Lots of partying, promiscuous sex, drinking, and streaking.
The definition of fraternity is “a group of people sharing a common profession or interests.”
A few years ago, I, along with a group of guys, went through a study called Men’s Fraternity. Some of the first questions we were asked were “How did you know when you became a man?” and “What does it mean to be a man?”
These were tough questions … I didn’t really know the answers. I think most of us thought of a specific event that made us a man. Maybe it was when we got our driver’s license or our first job. Maybe it was the first time we drank alcohol or graduated from high school or college. Very few of us thought of it as an understanding or living out a certain way.
Defining Manhood
Through the first year of Men’s Fraternity, we were taught what it meant to be a man and what the definition of manhood is.
To be a man meant four things:
- Reject passivity — No sitting on the sidelines. Get into the game!
- Accept responsibility — Do what is necessary.
- Lead courageously — Face trials with courage and encourage others to do the same.
- Expect the greater reward — Want more from this life than just worldly rewards.
Being a man demands a lot from us. It is not an event that makes you a man, but it is who you are and what you do. Anyone can have an event happen to them. It’s passive. But to live up to a standard? That requires a lot of work. It’s active.
Al Bundy, Homer Simpson, Ray Barone (Everybody Loves Raymond)
If you grew up in the ’80s, ’90s, 2000s, and especially today, men on TV sitcoms were/are portrayed as doofuses and the cause of most family dilemmas, not the solution. We were taught that the man is the fun-loving, easy-going, and many times, the incompetent parent. The responsible one who solves the family’s problem and makes sure everything is working the way it is supposed to be is the mom. Not to take away from women, because they do so much for families, but this is not at all how a man should be acting.
These portrayals have allowed many men to head down this path. They are taught that being passive is a good thing, that rather than accept their responsibility, men should shirk their responsibility. That the woman is to lead the family and that the greatest rewards that we should be working to achieve are a great job, a nice car, a nice house, and a life of ease watching or playing sports.
Sly, Arnold, Thor, Iron Man, Connor McGregor
If men aren’t being portrayed as doofuses, they are being portrayed as superheroes. They swoop in and save the day by brute force.
They have huge muscles, beautiful women swooning over them, the problem is solved by force, and then they move on to save another world crisis.
The Truth
While these portrayals are appealing to men— we can just sit back and have fun through life or we can conquer the problems of the world with our muscles — they are not what it takes to be a man.
Living out the true definition of manhood requires work and a lot of it. The truth is that we won’t see our world change until men “man up” and start living out the definition of manhood.
The Attack
Today there is an attack on manhood and men have done themselves no favours as to the reason for those attacks. Most murders, rapes, hate crimes, atrocities against humanity have happened at the hands of a man.
Due to this many people have decided that the world would be better without men or at least not having men be in control. I would agree with this. That if men are going to behave the way we currently do, we can be very dangerous in control. But if men were to behave the way that they were designed to, they could lead us to a much better place.
The Result
In my own personal life, I have been the victim of what it looks like when men don’t live out the definition of manhood from my own father and stepfather. For many years, it made me mad and very bitter toward them, but I have learned that no one showed them or taught them what the definition of manhood is. They did only what they knew to do. It has motivated me to make sure that I live out that definition of manhood and to teach other men and young men this definition.
The Source
Many of you may ask where this definition comes from. Who are you to say that this is the definition of manhood? I believe that the source of all wisdom comes from God and that the Bible is the best resource for the definition of manhood.
You might think, “But the Bible is filled with example upon example of men who did terrible things, how can you say that it is the best resource?!” I believe that this is the reason it is the best source. Those stories are in there to point us away from man being the solution and pointing toward God as the solution. The Bible teaches us how men are to reject passivity (Romans 12:2), accept responsibility (1 Cor. 16:13), live courageously (Jos. 24:15), and expect the greater reward (Rev. 22:12). It shows us what happens when men do not live out that definition.
The Solution
Whether you believe that the Bible is true or not, is up to you. But whether you believe or not, I think we can all agree that if men lived up to the definition laid out above, the world would be a much better place.
The problem, like so many other things, is that you can’t just know something — it needs to be lived out. I don’t think it would come as a shock to people if you told them exercise and eating right make for a healthy body. Yet so many people choose to not do it. Most likely it is because it takes effort and time.
Men, so does being a man who rejects passivity, accepts responsibility, leads courageously, and expects the greater reward. A few years ago, a group of us guys went through a study called Every Man a Warrior. It was a great study and helped each of us men become better fathers, husbands, friends, and citizens. We were given T-shirts that had a saying on them that I will never forget.
“If we REALLY believe what we believe to be true, how will we live our lives – and if we don’t live it out, do we really believe it?”
How about you, men? Are you walking the walk or just talking the talk? The world needs men to “man up” and live out the truth of who we are called to be!
