The following is a guest post from Daphne DeMaris, LLC and is a resource meant to go along with this video interview. You can learn more about Daphne at www.daphnedemaris.com.
Did you know 50% of church-land is made up of singles?
The church tends to elevate marriage and having children above everything else and that leaves singles feeling marginalized, especially single women. I have a heart for single Christians because I have always been one. Single is not second best, people! I’ve actually preached on that. So, I especially want to give tips to single people for their Mental, Emotional and Spiritual Wellbeing for Singles during COVID 19.
Singles Who Live Alone
There is a big difference between those who struggle with loneliness regularly and those who do not. But even those who do not, will feel lonely sometimes because of the limited interactions.
1. Do not wait to reach out. If you think of someone, text them and tell them. Send Cards, make phone calls – even if you do not necessarily like talking on the phone. Hearing the voice of a loved one is more impactful than a text. Think of other single friends who live alone and reach out to them.
2. If you are an extrovert, this is even more important. Create opportunities for connection. A socially distanced visit. Sitting outside in the sunshine with a friend – six or more feet apart, of course – is more therapeutic than facetime or texting. And we are all getting a little screen fatigue, aren’t we?
3. If you find yourself really struggling with loneliness and cannot take the risk of getting together in person- when the stay home order is lifted, reach out to a counselor. We are all online now and have the skills and training to help you deal with more profound loneliness and underlying issues.
4. Maybe even adopt a pet. I know how grateful I am every day for my sweet silly cat. Lots of studies show that pets are very therapeutic and help curb loneliness.
5. Think about things you used to like to do but either gave up a long time ago or just plain didn’t have time for in the hustle and bustle before COVID 19. I’ve started drawing again. A client of mine is spending more time painting pictures. Maybe start dancing, there are lots of videos on YouTube – dance classes or even just shake your groove thing to some favorite upbeat music.
Singles Who Live With Roommates
A little TOO much togetherness leading to conflict? It is even more important to work together to resolve problems and reclaim peaceful relationships because home needs to be a safe and nurturing place even more these days.
Is your communication style more confrontation than conversation? OR maybe it’s more avoidance than affirmation. At the end of the interaction, are there more hurt feelings, misunderstandings and confusion than clarity and unity? If so, then add these tools to your communication tool box and create a better outcome for your exchanges.
1. When discussing something weighty or emotional, stick to one topic at a time. This will help avoid rabbit trails and confusion. Don’t attempt to distract from/derail the current issue by bringing up another one.
2. Stay in the present. Do not bring up past wounds or issues. This will keep the conversation from degenerating into a battle of the “Oh yeah, well, remember the time . . .”
3. If you have tried one way of communicating a feeling or idea and it doesn’t work, try another phrase, another word picture. Don’t keep repeating the same thing over and over and expect it to make your point. And, remember, communication is subtle. You may think that you are making your point, but sometimes you need to be more specific.
I always tell folks that people who are willing to continue the conversation and stick with it to resolve things are actually making the relationship safer. You know that that person cares about you enough to hang in there. Home needs to be a safe place EMOTIONALLY. A place you want to be.
Spiritual Practices to Increase Wellbeing
1. Breath Prayer – This is deep breathing with a twist. Come up with a simple prayer, such as ‘Abba, I belong to you.’ As you breath in deeply (to the count of three) pray inwardly, ‘Abba.’ Hold the breath for the count of four and then as you exhale to the count of seven, pray inwardly, ‘I belong to you.’ Do this three or four times.
This is especially good when feeling anxious. The deep breathing helps the brain stem – the primitive brain where the fight or flight response originates. And, because you are counting different numbers, it also helps to get you out of a panic response.
Finally, the meditative part. As you focus on the prayer, you may begin to think about what it means and invite Holy Spirit to make that real to you and impact your heart and mind with its truth.
2. Sabbath Rest – a lot of us may be staying busier and not resting as well or we are self-medicating with TV. While that may be physical rest, it is not nourishing spiritual food. At times like this some of the best things we can do to increase our spiritual, emotional and physical wellbeing include:
A. Praise and Worship. – Remember Philipians 4:4-8 Rejoice in the Lord, Always, I will say it again rejoice. Let your gentleness be known to all, The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
God inhabits the praises of His people and it is His presence which makes it possible for us to be anxious for nothing. We can’t muster that up in our own strength. Open up your mouth and sing praises to the Lord and see if that doesn’t help your loneliness.
B. Listen to sermons or good podcasts. I particularly like Craig Groeschel or Francis Chan, but there are lots of good ones on YouTube. Take notes and ask Holy Spirit to show you what God wants you to know today and apply that to your thoughts and life.
C. Get a few friends together once a week by zoom or google hangouts and share prayer requests and lift each other up to the Lord. You definitely will feel connected after a good prayer session.
Some of my favorite resources:
- Best Devotional: Streams In The Desert, L.B. Cowman
- Best Spiritual Disciplines Book: Spiritual Disciplines Handbook, Adele Calhoun
- Best Praise and Worship YouTube Channel – People and Songs
